Rotisserie Computer

Timely Reviews: Alan Wake

2011-05-06T09:13:00.003-04:00

Last year, one of the best video game stories I have ever seen was released and quickly died. Alan Wake developer Remedy made the incredibly poor decision to release their game on the same day that Rockstar Games released one of the biggest selling games of the year, Red Dead Redemption, and at sixty buck a pop, most people just buy one game at a time.

Alan Wake is an Xbox exclusive action game that feels more like Twin Peaks than Gears of War. This is no accident, as Twin Peaks was cited as an inspiration for the game. Another clear inspiration is much of the early work of Stephen King. The character, Alan Wake is a successful thriller writer, more Castle than King, suffering from writer’s block, which is the worst thing ever (ed. We know. We’ve been waiting a year for this review). He and his wife, Alice, go on a lovely vacation to clear his head. But things go predictably, and horrifyingly wrong.

Almost immediately, Alice goes missing and Alan wakes up a week later with no memory of the time. Things get weird from there. He finds pages from a manuscript he wrote during that missing week. The story, they tell is the one you are playing. Before long, Wake is attacked by creatures called the Taken, locals who have been consumed by some sort of darkness (ed. I believe in a thing called love, just listen to the rhythm of my heart). These guys are the perfect way to transition to the gameplay, as I don’t want to get too far into the story, which is one of the best I have seen in a game, or any other medium.

Alan Wake is an action game with a unique twist. While you find a pistol fairly early in the game, your strongest weapon is light. When confronted with several Taken, you must first knock the shadows off them with your flashlight. After that, they are relatively weak and can be quickly finished off with the pistol. The use of light as a weapon elevates some seemingly innocuous tools to implements of mass destruction. A flash bang becomes a room clearing grenade, and a flare gun can just straight-up murder a group of these monsters at once. Now, while every bit of the action in this game is incredibly fun and well-constructed, the real star of the show is the story.

I am reluctant to share any more details, but the story, which is told in six episodes, roughly an hour and a half long, is spectacular. The episodes, each beginning with a “Previously on…” and ending with a cliffhanger, would have made a very well received HBO miniseries, but instead, you get to play it.

The atmosphere in the game is incredible. Alan Wake reminds you that there is nothing scarier than being alone in the woods at night. The thing that this game brings more than anything is a sense of dread. The two thoughts that competed in my head were “What the hell?” and “I don’t want to go into the woods.”

I have been putting off this part because I think it is the least important part of the game, but it should be mentioned. The facial animation is not very good. In a story driven game, to have the story elements weakened by poor animation is a bit of a problem, but it is something that stops being a problem pretty quickly. I tried to look at the character’s eyes, and put on the subtitles. Just think of it in the same way you think of the terrible rubber monsters in earlier Doctor Who. It could be better, but it can only affect the game if you let it.

Ultimately, in a year that saw the release of Halo: Reach, Mass Effect 2, the latest Assassin’s Creed, another freaking Call of Duty, and the aforementioned Red Dead Redemption, Alan Wake was one of the best games of that year, and is worth playing. It is available for download on the Xbox here.

Finally, because it is not a review without a number, I give it five terrifying fever-dreams out of five.

One Wish

2011-03-30T15:15:00.002-04:00

Today's XKCD is one of the funniest things that this blogger has seen in a long, long time.

http://xkcd.com/879/

Yes. Grover is a Pimp

2010-10-11T10:04:00.000-04:00

I -heart- Sci Fi

2010-08-23T08:03:00.000-04:00

Apparently, someone out there loves sci fi more than me.
Seriously NSFW!

Scott Pilgrim's Finest Film adaptaion of a Comic Book

2010-08-20T18:44:00.002-04:00

Yesterday, I caught a matinee for Scott Pilgrim vs. The World. I need to see it again before I can write anything approaching a review, but I loved it. The things that had me worried, like shortening the 6 graphic novels to one film and Michael Cera, worked well. the things that had me excited, like Edgar Wright and kung fu, blew my mind. Also, and this came as a complete surprise to me, but Kieran Culkin really stole the show.

Go, Nostalgia, Go!

2010-08-04T10:26:00.005-04:00

Apparently, the internet exists to serve two functions. The first is, obviously, porn. The second is to resurrect the childhood of everyone younger than John McCain. Mine has returned.

Yes, that is the coolest thing ever.

I can has weblog?

2010-07-16T19:58:00.006-04:00

So at this point, I am assuming that my sporadic (at best) updates have alienated both of my followers. Still, I will attempt to get back on the horse, or blog. Anyway, the metaphor breaks down, but I will attempt to update more frequently. At least five times a week. Starting with the week I spend in Sunny California, attending the San Diego Comic-Con. Or as I like to call it Comic-Con. So now, without further ado, here is a picture of a dude cosplaying as Samus, from Metroid.

RC Educational Services Discuss: Splinter Cell: Conviction

2010-04-12T14:20:00.004-04:00

Today marks the last day before the release of Splinter Cell: Conviction, and is, therefore, a time for celebration. To say that I am excited by this game would be a drastic understatement. The single player looks like it might redefine stealth games, by rewarding badassitude. The cooperative multiplayer modes look to extend the game and reward teamwork. Let me close this post with a video and some links for the Xbox owners out there.

Download the Xbox demo here.

RC Reviews: A Brief Look at Mass Effect 2

2010-01-28T08:10:00.001-05:00

It's really, really good.

RC Reviews: Sherlock Holmes

2010-01-01T11:12:00.005-05:00

So I am sitting down to write a review of Guy Ritchie's Sherlock Holmes and I don't know where to begin. I could start with the script (fairly strong, but not very Doyle-ish) or the acting (almost universally great), but I think I will begin with Ritchie's direction.

From the beginning, the direction was impressive. Ritchie managed to show Holmes's intellect and keen faculties of observation in a unique and economical manner. The audience is occasionally allowed to see Holmes's thought process in the moment, but generally, as with Doyle's stories, the explanation comes later.

One of the things that Ritchie is known for is his too-cool-for-school camera work and flashy editing. Both of these were toned down a lot. In fact, the direction never seemed to upstage the story or characters, which, as far as I can tell, is a first for Ritchie. I should confess that I have only seen Lock Stock, Snatch, and the horrible Revolver. In this movie Ritchie adapting himself admirably to the story he is telling, rather than adapting the story to his style. So overall, high marks for direction.

The script is one of the weakest parts of this movie. While I don't mean to suggest that it is a bad script, it does fall into two of the traps that historical action-y movies generally succumb to. First, and somewhat surprising, is the comically strong female character. Now, before you get angry and start calling me sexist, read the next four sentences. I loved the character of Irene Adler in Doyle's story "A Scandal in Bohemia." In that story, she beats Holmes at his own game. What I object to is the modern trend of assuming that any woman who is going to be a strong character in an action-y movie must either be a thief or an assassin or something, and must be able to kick as much ass as any man can. This is the problem with the film's version of Adler. I think that the most compelling thing about the character of Irene Adler was her ability to match Holmes on a mental level. Doyle's version of the character was never a badass tough guy, but she was much more interesting.

The other problem the script had was the one that everyone knew it would have. Unnecessary and unexplainable anachronism. There was enough interesting and bizarre technology in the late-middle nineteenth century that we don't need to have the characters invent tazers. I realize that this is a pointless request, but hey Hollywood, if you're listening, STOP IT! There is no need to pull this crap, and it never adds anything to the movie. I am always reminded of the nadir (it's a real word, look it up) of the historical action-y movie genre "The League of Extraordinary Goddamn What a Terrible Movie," when captain Nemo reveals his eight wheeled "Auto-Mobile."

Side note: Sorry that the last two paragraphs resemble a loosely organized rant about what is lazy and stupid in the movies, but the truth is that they were a loosely organized rant about what is lazy and stupid in the movies.

Back to the script. Other than the odd direction that the script took with Irene Adler and the stupid f--I promised I would stop rant--ing anachronisms, the script is strong. The mystery was well constructed and, despite my fears, actually something of a mystery. ish. The characters were well constructed and generally at least solidly two dimensional. Holmes, Watson, and the aforementioned Adler were fairly complex. Oddly enough, the writers abandoned Holmes's weakness for cocaine, legal at the time, for other ill-defined but presumably more "family-friendly" drugs. In my opinion, this doesn't reveal the weakness that Holmes tries so hard to conceal and overcome, so much as it makes him look like a victorian Hunter S. Thompson.

Which somehow brings me to the acting. Robert Downey Jr. is unsurprisingly great as Sherlock Holmes. He is at times (a phrase that seems only to pop up in reviews, I've noticed) hilarious and heartbreaking. The objective seemed to have been to humanize the man, and he could not have been better cast. Jude Law was marvelous as Watson, bringing a complexity and humor to the character I was most afraid would be sidelined. Watson is truly this film's heart (for the record, it caused me physical pain to type that). Rachael McAdams is good as Irene Adler, the love interest, but her character is too obviously Irene Adler, the love interest. A real standout for me was Mark Strong as Lord Blackwood, the villain. He brought a real air of menace to the character and occasionally threatened to steal the show.

Overall, I really enjoyed this movie, despite a few nagging details, but, and this is important, I am only a fan of Sherlock Holmes stories. I have no idea how a fanatic might feel about this movie. It is an unapologetically modern take on the character, which is most likely a smart choice in terms of box office revenue. Fortunately, the movie doesn't suffer for it. In many ways, it is reminiscent of this summer's Star Trek. There are one or two stumbles, but the movie should appeal to newcomers and, hopefully, die-hard fans of the original stories.

A short explanation regarding my recent absence

2009-12-23T19:50:00.001-05:00

Holiday retail is hell.

RC Reviews G.I. Joe, and Transformers 2

2009-11-14T11:58:00.002-05:00

So this weekend, I sat down for some quality time with the new hotnesses: G.I. Joe: the Rise of Cobra and Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. RC is proud to offer the following review of these blockbusters.

They are both crap.

Seriously, they suck a lot. Don't waste your time or money. There are one or two specks of decent in each of these movies, but neither one is worth a second glance in the video store. Terrible plots, one demensional characters, and horrible horrible writing drag two of my favorite franchises down.

If you want a fix of the eighties, try G.I. Joe: Resolute, which I have already mentioned, and The Transformers: the Movie.

So in conclusion, G.I. Joe: the Rise of Cobra and Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen are crap.

Mea Culpa

2009-10-27T08:18:00.005-04:00

So I just wanted to apologize for the sparse content. I have just started my new job and am trying to reach some sort of equilibrium between work, free time and writing. I know that this is truly fascinating for most of you, but I just wanted to keep you in the loop.

Well, I'm Convinced

2009-10-05T08:49:00.002-04:00

This is the most compelling argument I've seen for creationism yet.

Seriously, check it out.

Article Commentary

2009-10-05T08:43:00.004-04:00

Here is a Kotaku article commenting about the $60 AAA game price point. It's interesting to me that the argument condenses down to essentially, a game has to cost $60 or people think it sucks.
I buy less games because AAA titles cost $60. I don't have a lot of time to play games these days, meaning that if I buy a game, I expect to be able to play the game for a long time AND I expect the game to have high replay value in terms of multi-player or repeat solo missions. This means more content to develop and a longer production cycle, which increases the development costs. Developers then have to move more copies of a game just to break even on their costs.
This contributes to the lack or new IP and means that you get another Call of Duty and Madden game every year, because it sells. It's interesting to think about how console gaming got to be such an expensive hobby. Sounds like I have another post in the works.

RC Reviews: Halo 3: ODST

2009-10-01T16:50:00.004-04:00

Halo 3: ODST, recycles the gameplay of earlier Halo games, which is not necessarily a bad thing, while it brings a few new things to the table.

The most obvious addition to the series is Firefight, a cooperative mode that throws wave after wave of enemies at up to four players. This is insanely fun. As the game progresses, the enemies get harder to beat, while the game also turns on skulls, which are the Halo version of cheat codes, that make the game even harder. I could get bogged down in the minutiae of this mode, but I will just say that it is really fun and you should try it.

The next part of Halo 3: ODST is the campaign. The story opens with the rookie alone and completely surrounded in an occupied city called New Mombassa, hours after getting separated from your squad. As the rookie, you are tasked with finding out what happened while you were unconscious. As you progress, you find clues, which trigger flashbacks. These flashbacks allow you to play as other characters, which shows what happened to your team. These are fun, but the real star is New Mombassa itself. Most of the game is spent exploring the city at night. The tone the designers attempted to create was of a film noir. The lonely jazz music and frequently empty streets helped achieve that. I'm not sure if I would credit them with succeeding entirely, but they were able to create a pitch-perfect sense of isolation.

Some of you may be interested to know that Nathan Fillion, Alan Tudyk, Adam Balwin, and Tricia Helfer voice characters in this game. Yes the three nerdiest things I enjoy: Firefly, Battlestar Galactica, and video games, all got together and made a [disgusting metaphor deleted]. Now, for much of the game, you play as the rookie, the mute, faceless character with no personality. I assume that the goal was to put the player into a blank character, so they could blah blah blah. My issue is that Halo 3: ODST is full of interesting and underutilized characters, and much of the game is played as nobody interesting at all.

The most common complaint I have heard is that the game is too short. I probably spent about six or eight hours playing through the campaign, but I also spent a fair amount of time exploring. I think it would be possible to finish in as few as three or four hours.

I think that the campaign in Halo 3: ODST, though marred by some nagging problems, is the best campaign in the Halo franchise. The thoughtful inclusion of Halo 3's multiplayer was a nice value-add, but the real prize is Firefight. Incredibly fun, this mode is easily worth half the price of the game. Now many of the reviews that I have seen address the price of this game. I think that is an incredibly silly thing to do, but here goes my shot at it.

Firefight: Easily worth $15, possibly as much as $20

The Campaign: I'd say I got $20 worth of fun out of it

The Halo 3 Multiplayer Disc: The three new maps will probably go on sale in a month or two for $10

So there you have it, Halo 3: ODST is a steal at $60. Now, this sort of math is total bullshit, but I have seen it thrown around in other reviews of this game as if it matters. The only thing that matters is do you personally think this game is worth the money. I for one do.

A Strong Argument

2009-09-13T22:14:00.002-04:00

Why don't more people get the point? All we want is for everybody to be treated like they matter.

The Hurt Locker

2009-08-25T14:42:00.003-04:00

It would be a mistake to call The Hurt Locker the most intense movie I have ever seen in the the theater. While true, this doesn't communicate the complicated personal story being told. The movie follows an Army bomb removal squad in Baghdad in 2004. Staff Sergeant William James, played by Jeremy Renner, is almost pathologically addicted to risk. As the new bomb tech in the squad, he is incredibly skilled and reckless. As the commanding officer in the unit, he has the authority to make incredibly dangerous decisions. The squad is rounded out by Anthony Mackie and Brian Geraghty, as Sergeant JT Sanborn and Specialist Owen Eldridge, respectively. Both of these actors do a fine job with characters that seem less complicated because they are missing that huge flaw. Mackie and Geraghty resist the urge to play it big and melodramatic, bringing a humanity to the hell.

The most obvious area where this movie excels is in the combat. Bigelow treats every encounter with a bomb as a battle. On the one side is the army. On the opposition is the insurgency. But how do you fight an enemy which looks like, and has learned to act like, the innocent population? This question leads to some of the most intense scenes in the film.

Katherine Bigelow has created a truly economic film about the physical and psychic risk that soldiers encounter. There are only a handful of scenes that do not relate to specific missions. These scenes help ground the characters and show the audience how untethered they have become.

As a balls to the wall action movie, The Hurt Locker is a failure, but as a highly charged character study, it is a complete success. I can't help but recommend this one.

Soon my pretties, soon.

2009-08-18T16:11:00.002-04:00

I have just recently finished moving, and have just set up my internet. Like an hour ago. Unpacking is going very slowly, largely due to the surprising amount of crap that I own, but also because I am a lazy wanker. Hopefully, I will be able to get back into it soon, before this turns into one of those once-a-month-whether-I-have-anything-to-say-or-not blogs.

To tide you over, I present this guy:

Comic-Con Issue #2.5

2009-08-11T17:55:00.005-04:00

So I apologize, but shortly after my last post, my life fell into chaos. I'm moving to hilly Charlottesville on Friday, so I don't think I'll be able to post much of anything until early next week.

So, to tide you over, here is my flickr page on Comic-Con. The goofy guy without the beard is my brother Sam. Look for him in the upcoming independent short, "Something Animal." The goofy guy with the beard is me.

Also, to answer your inevitable question, yes that is Joss Whedon, and yes he was super-nice.

Comic-Con Issue #2

2009-07-25T14:13:00.002-04:00

So yesterday at Comic-Con, I caught the end of a lecture on the legal issues of comics. Somehow, it was awesome, but I don't know how.

Immediately after, Mike Mignola gave a fantastic talk about how he does his creepy minimalistic artwork. If you don't know who Mike Mignola is, he is the creator of Hellboy. If you do know who Mike Mignola is, you are a nerd.

After a failed attempt to get into a Neil Gaiman panel, my brother and I sat in on a panel with Kevin J. Anderson. I hate Kevin J. Anderson. It wasn't that he seems like a schlock writer who seemed proud that he can pump out a complete novel in about a month. I hate him because he was a self-worshiping jackass who talked shit about some truly great writers like Ray Bradbury.

After Kevin J. Godihatethisguy, Stephan Pastis, creator of Pearls Before Swine, gave a truly great talk about creating a popular comic strip. He was genuinely funny and self-deprecating. It is no exaggeration to say that the entire room was laughing for most of the panel. Afterwards, he signed books and sketched his characters.

Most of the day, I wandered around the show floor. This was supremely interesting, but i don't have a way to upload the photos I have. Look for that early next week.

Comic-Con

2009-07-23T23:33:00.002-04:00

Well, it's 8:30 in the evening in San Diego. Day one of Comic-Con is now behind me. After waiting in line for an hour or more, myh brother and I went to another line to wait for an hour or more to play ten minutes of video games.

After hitting a few booths, we waited in line for an hour or more to see sneek footage of James Cameron's Avatar. In 3D. By the way, it looks really cool. The story looks ok, but visually, I was super impressed.

The next panel I saw was Terry Gilliam's The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus. It looks like a great Gilliam movie, in other words, the visuals look amazing and the story sounds incredible. I cannot wait.

I also saw a bunch of people that can only be called famous in very limited circles. But I saw Richard Hatch. Also the guys from Penny Arcade and two of the guys from Red vs. Blue.

All in all, this is truly nerd mecca.

The Beastie Boys

2009-07-20T20:10:00.003-04:00

So I was hanging out with my boy Wade, when he told me some crazy shit. MCA has cancer. Here's the official announcement, via beastieboys.com

The Services I Provide

2009-07-20T17:06:00.002-04:00

This week, I will be subjecting myself to jetlag, Southern California, and my brother in an attempt to bring the very latest in geek news to my readers. I will be attending the San Diego Comic-Con this week. Despite the hectic schedule, long days, and tiny laptop, I believe that the sheer volume of awesome will compel me to be somewhat more timely in my posts.

Here is a story I wrote.

2009-07-08T19:30:00.002-04:00

The wind claws at her eyes, but she grins ferociously as the tears pour down her face. Gordon was right, this hill is worth the drive. She readjusts her front foot slightly. She must be doing thirty, she thinks, as she checks over her shoulder for any cars. None. She is in an aggressive lunging crouch, perched on her longboard. Her arms held back and relaxed belie the adrenalin coursing through her body. Her legs twitch slightly, sending minute course corrections to her board. Almost unconsciously, she turns slightly to avoid a small rock. That one was probably not large enough to kill her, but better safe. Blinking away the tears, she double checks for oncoming traffic. Seeing none, she checks behind herself once more. There. One car. Red. Mid-size. Maybe ten seconds back. She drifts into the oncoming lane and waits. As the car passes, she grins at the startled driver. One pair of devil horns for the gawker, a double-check on traffic, and a small shift in her weight. She is back in her lane and still accelerating. She briefly wonders how long this run has been. She has never bombed a longer hill. Over two minutes in, and less than halfway down. She lowers her stance, hoping to lose a little wind resistance. Her thighs are burning now, but she is flying. Thirty five at least. She sees the red car slowing down. No, she is accelerating. The wind must have been killing her speed. She lowers herself again. This is almost too low. Her legs are screaming, but she is gaining on the car. As she approaches, she sees an oncoming car. Black SUV. Blinking furiously, she does a quick calculation. No time to slow down, definitely no chance to stop, and just enough space between the lanes. For five seconds, she is a blur on the yellow line, surrounded by steel and shrieking wind. The wake of the SUV nearly tears her off her board. Wobbling slightly, she regains her footing. Then, only the board and the road are left. She resists the urge to reach out and touch the car as she finishes the pass.

I finally understand

2009-06-29T22:41:00.002-04:00

Here it is. The proper version of marriage that is under threat from the Gay Menace is finally defined.

Holy Poop!

2009-06-25T19:08:00.002-04:00

I can't believe this. Michael Jackson is dead! I guess I never really thought of him as a real person, so this seems really unreal to me. I just spent a few minutes clicking about on the intertron, but I still can't feel anything but odd about it.

I am a huge geek

2009-06-06T17:00:00.003-04:00

So I was cleaning up a bit and was suddenly inspired to make the coolest thing I have seen all day. Admittedly, I spent most of the day at work or watching Die Hard 4. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the cavalry.

I feel safer already.

I love Science!

2009-06-05T06:47:00.003-04:00

Researchers at the University of New South Wales have apparently cured blindness. They used patients who were blind in one eye, and took stem cells from their good eyes. These stem cells were put on a contact lens, and worn on the blind eye. In ten days, the damaged corneas were repaired and vision was restored. The results will have to be repeated and it may be years before this is a viable therapy, but this is fantastic news.

Via Gizmodo

The wheels of progress slowly turn

2009-06-04T19:37:00.004-04:00

New Hampshire has joined the growing number of elite states that allow same-sex marriage. Or, at least they will in January. Now I am not a huge activist for gay rights, despite the fact that I am a firm believer in them, but I can't help but feel stupidly, giddily happy when any state overturns stupid hateful laws. I'm looking at you California. I know, I know, it's a constitutional Jebus, I'm already bored. I know, but don't understand, how people can hate other people for no good reason. Yes, I'm talking about Fred "God Hates Fags" Phelps.

I understand that Leviticus 18 22 explains that sex between two dudes is totally gross. This follows the section in Leviticus 18 6-17 which is basically an exhaustive list of all of your family member which you aren't allowed to screw. All I'm saying is that in the thousands of years since this was written, morality has gotten a bit more robust. We now think that slavery is bad for example.

So yeah, treating LGBT people like they are, in fact, people is about the least we can do to be a more moral society.

Now ending rant.

Let's go ride a bike

2009-05-28T05:14:00.003-04:00

So this is the second morning of my new commute. I started biking to work yesterday and this morning I am just exhausted. My ride is about ten miles, and involves a bridge crossing. Somehow, the ride is nearly a half an hour longer when I ride home. At this moment, I am trying to motivate myself to actually get out the door.

The thing is, I really enjoy riding my bike. I love the price of fuel, and I enjoy the idea of getting more healthy while getting myself to work. Speaking of which, I need to go.

Do-it-yourself Symphony

2009-05-20T20:03:00.005-04:00

I am trying to keep this site from just being a collection of that awesome thing I found on the intertubes, but this is too cool to not pass on.

It's called In Bb 2.0, and it is a collaborative music project. I will embed a few of my favorites. Just play a few of them at the same time and see what you get.

This brings out the composer in me. The sad, little, shriveled, talentless composer.

A short biology lesson

2009-05-17T16:17:00.002-04:00

Here is an educational video I found on the miracle of birth.

Enjoy.

I'm not dead

2009-05-15T19:30:00.003-04:00

I haven't posted in a while, and won't for another little bit, but I wanted to let all of my adoring fans know that I have no intention of letting the RC Revolution die anytime soon.

Recess

2009-05-04T21:54:00.000-04:00

Bobby Paulson, she thinks, is going to regret picking on me during recess yesterday, when I was wearing my brand new shoes for the first time ever, and they were a special present for my birthday, and then Bobby had to ruin everything, when I was busy playing with Stacy and Lillian, and we were only trying to swing anyway, and why would he want to push me off the swing when it was my turn, and he didn't even ask, and when I fell I skinned my knee, and Bobby just laughed, even though I was wearing my new princess shoes, and they are so shiny and purple, and they cost my mother like, twenty dollars, and now they're ruined, and I don't think my mom will ever forgive me for ruining them, and its all Bobby's fault, and I hate him so much.

Open call

2009-05-03T23:08:00.003-04:00

I know that this isn't really a fiction blog, but I also know that at least a few of my sometime readers occasionally write fiction. So I am sending out an open call to anyone who wants to submit any poetry, fiction, non-fiction, movie reviews, or haiku. I can't promise to publish anything, but I will try to put anything I get up on the site. All credit will go to the writer, assuming they want any. This is not a litmag, so don't expect this to last forever. Send any submissions in the form of a .doc attachment to ben.rotisseriecomputer[att]gmail[dawt]com. I'll sweeten the pot with a short piece of fiction tomorrow.

Do you know who the ultimate badass is?

2009-04-22T21:13:00.004-04:00

I'll give you a hint.

It's Snake-Eyes.

I just started watching the animated series, G.I. Joe: Resolute, and there is nobody more badass. This is a mute ninja who jumps out of planes without parachutes and can kill you seven different ways with just his hands. I'll come right out and say it. Snake-Eyes is a bigger badass than Darth Vader. Vader wastes so much time talking, and you always know he's there. Snake-Eyes could be behind you right now. Of course he'll probably only kill you if you're devoting your time to evil. Probably.

Episodes 2 and 8 are where the money is at, but it's worth your time to watch them all. Each one is about five minutes.

Thanks again to Penny Arcade for pointing me in the direction of cool.

Inhumane in the membrane

2009-04-20T11:46:00.006-04:00

So there is a great article on The Huffington Post about water boarding. I suggest you check it out. On a similar note, there was a terrifying piece by Christopher Hitchens on the subject. Here is a video.

And here is a link to his, admittedly old, article on Vanity Fair. Nothing like an upbeat post to start the week off right.

Purple lightning

2009-04-20T11:36:00.003-04:00

Once again Stephen Colbert gets it right. Four states have legalized same-sex marriage, and the tide of public opinion is moving in the right direction. So the anti-gay nutjobs are resorting to the ridiculous.

The Colbert Report

Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c

The Colbert Coalition's Anti-Gay Marriage Ad

colbertnation.com

Colbert Report Full Episodes

Political Humor

NASA Name Contest

If somebody could show me one instance of a straight marriage being damaged in any way by a gay marriage, then I might have some sympathy for these intolerant fear mongers. Don't hold your breath.

The Hurt Locker

2009-04-18T22:35:00.005-04:00

So here I am, thinking that I need to post something, but not having anything to say. While I'm procrastinating, I found this trailer for a movie without any stars, that was completely under my radar. All of a sudden I am really excited and think you should be too. No, not you. You. So check this out.

Enjoy.

Better late I guess

2009-04-17T17:45:00.004-04:00

This is a video for a song called "Oasis" by Amanda Palmer, of The Dresden Dolls. The album is called "Who Killed Amanda Palmer." This is by no means the best song on the album. It is just one of the funniest music videos I have ever seen. You can check out more of the videos here. I would recommend the song "Astronaut" to anyone. The whole album is good, and you can pick it up at iTunes or here. Be aware that the subject matter of this video is fairly NSFW.

Amanda Palmer "Oasis" Music Video from Amanda Palmer on Vimeo.

End advertisement.

Higher Education

2009-04-15T17:15:00.003-04:00

Today in my class on Realism and Naturalism Literature, I witnessed a dude. Now this dude was sitting in a class that costs him close to $700 before room and board. Now while this dude was sitting in this expensive class, he had his laptop open. Fark, Facebook, and online poker were occupying his attention. Two games of poker simultaneously. So this poker playing dude was hanging out, throwing money away, when he took his index finger and shoved it up his nose. After a few moments, he started absently sucking his newly green finger. I really wish I could have missed that.

Science!

2009-04-14T07:09:00.003-04:00

This is fantastic news. British researchers have developed a drug that seems, in early and limited trials at least, to help break up the plaque in the brain that causes Alzheimer's. The drug attacks a protein, which seems to be an important aspect of the disease, in the blood. This is why I try to keep up with science. The researchers initially thought that the drug would impact the blood levels of a protein associated with the disease. Apparently, there is also an effect on the plaque in the brain. This could be one of the early steps toward a cure, or at least a treatment, for Alzheimer's.

The Whole World

2009-04-06T20:58:00.002-04:00

Four thousand eighty three.
Four thousand eighty four.
Four thousand eighty — Looking. Looking. Here! Eighty five.
Four thousand eighty five legos so far, and I only have Antarctica and most of Australia. I don't have enough green pieces to get far into India. Forget about blues. Less than a third of the way, and I don't have enough to finish the coast of Australia. I'll have to do just enough to connect New Zealand. Reds, oranges, blacks, and the occasional purple make up the core. I had hoped to create an accurate inside too. I just need to get the outside right. The guts are unimportant. Wait. There it is.
Four thousand eighty six.
Four thousand eighty seven.
Four thousand eighty eight.

Duct tape, road flares, and helium

2009-04-02T22:50:00.004-04:00

Today I found something at Bad Astronomy that made me very very happy.

First I should explain that I don't believe in UFOs, ESP, or BLTs. I do believe that there is probably life out in the universe, there are things that we don't understand, and bacon is delicious, but I don't think aliens have visited the Earth, I think all psychics are frauds or nutjobs, and bacon is not terribly healthy.

So, this past January, two guys in New Jersey attached road flares to five helium balloons and let them go. What do you think happened?

There were dozens of sightings of a UFO in the surrounding area. People called the police, the news was out in full force, and the History Channel sent the "UFO Hunters" to investigate. The consensus seemed to be that something mysterious happened in New Jersey and everyone seemed to give the story credence. Now I am not suggesting that we start disbelieving everything we think we see, but there are some things that demand skepticism. The guys that did this documented the setup, the launch, and the news coverage so there couldn't be any doubt that this was a hoax.

The telescope for everybody

2009-03-27T18:29:00.003-04:00

I am trying to keep this blog from being a collection of things that I find on the internet, but this is too cool. Galileoscope.org is a non-profit group that is trying to make amateur astronomy easier for everyone. In order to do that, they sell kits for telescopes for $15. These are not assembled, and don't include a tripod, but they are compatible with standard camera tripods (some available from Amazon for less than $20). So the telescope and tripod should set you back less than $40. If that wasn't cool enough, you can donate a telescope to "children, parents, and teachers who can't afford to buy them, especially in less developed parts of the world," according to the website. This is a great way to help bring the wonder of science to someone who might never experience it, and if that person is you, that's ok too.

I hate computers

2009-03-24T06:19:00.003-04:00

Mostly, I hate the fact that I can't seem to function without them. Last night, my desktop died on me. Now this is already problematic, but I was getting myself worked up for a real bad mood. I tried a troubleshooting guide on the website that sold me the thing, and was looking forward to sending it in for repairs. This is almost precisely 2 months after the warranty expired, by the way. So I am looking forward to a month of using public computers and my laptop with its tiny keyboard. The thing is, just as I started this angry post, my desktop successfully booted. I had tried about a dozen times earlier, but the time I give up, the damned thing starts as easy as you like. Apparently, I need to slaughter a chicken and do a Vodun ritual when I need it to work. Well, it seems that the dark gods of windows and intel have blessed me, because everything seems to work.

Who watches "Watchmen?"

2009-03-14T11:51:00.006-04:00

First, I should say that the act of condensing the (god, I feel stupid using this word) epic comic series into a three hour movie must have been a daunting one. Nevertheless, Zack Snyder managed it admirably. The action scenes are masterfully done. The acting, with a few exceptions, was great. The attention to detail helped bring the world to life.

The movie hits all the key points of the comic. In fact, it treats the source material with extreme reverence. Now many, if not all, of the reviews that I have seen and heard have treated this as a negative thing. Let me be clear, they are not wrong. For the uninitiated, this rigidity must seem odd. For one thing, the comic was set in a fictional 1985. This is understandable, as it was published in an actual 1986. The movie might have attempted to create an alternate 2009, in order to make it more accessible. There is a real danger in making a movie set more than twenty years ago that is further influenced by events another decade earlier. For many people, especially younger viewers, the references and jokes might be lost. Furthermore, the film cut many of the scenes that help set the stage for much of the later action. This is understandable, as the prospect of an eighteen hour "Watchmen" might have been a bit intimidating.

Now, the slavish devotion to a twenty-four year old comic book series was not altogether a bad thing. For one thing, the source material is frequently praised as the best comic series ever. Zach Snyder did an admirable job of translating the intricate plot and unique setting to the screen. There is an illustrated, comic book palate to the film, reminiscent of Warren Beatty's "Dick Tracy," without indulging in camp. Some of the costumes, especially those of the earlier Watchmen, look silly and cartoonish. From a fan's perspective, this is not a bad thing, as it demonstrates loyalty to the comic.

By no means did the movie faithfully recreate every scene and moment from the comic series. Much of the backstory, such as the Keene Act and the original masked heroes plot was removed or drastically condensed. The comic within a comic, "Tales of the Black Freighter," was completely dropped, while the ultimate plan of the "villain" was dramatically rewritten. This might seem like blasphemy to the faithful, but these changes generally are benign. The fight sequences are all extended and quite good. One or two of the fights are the best I've seen in a comic book movie.

The acting was generally great. The real star of the show was Jacky Earl Haley, as Rorschach. Patrick Wilson's Nite Owl and Jeffrey Dean Morgan's Comedian are both fantastic roles. The only real acting weak spot for me was the lip-synching for Dr. Manhattan. Speaking of Dr. Manhattan, there is a lot of blue penis in the movie. For those who have never read the comic, Dr. Manhattan is a glowing, blue, naked superhero, and he is frequently naked. Snyder has decided not to use the Austin Powers conveniently obscured nudity trick. This leaves the audience with more frontal male nudity than any other R-rated film of which I am aware. The overly prudish should steer clear, but this is not a film about glowing blue penises, and it would be a disservice to treat it as if it were.

As the comic satirized the genre of superhero comics, the movie tries to satirize superhero movies. There are visual references to "Batman and Robin," the low-point of the genre. The movie does not succeed to the same degree that the book does. I would recommend this movie without reservation to everybody who read and enjoyed the book. I would also recommend it to anyone with an interest in comic-book movies. I thoroughly enjoyed this movie and plan to see it again soon. Who watches "Watchmen?" I do, and so should you.

Snowed in

2009-03-02T08:52:00.005-05:00

Last night, eight inches of snow fell here, and today, another two are supposed to come down. I had planned to run a few errands and take a midterm, but everything in town is closed, and I am not going anywhere.

I know that some of you in the North wouldn't let this amount of snow stop you from anything, but here in the South (just barely, thanks be to Zoltan) we aren't used to dealing with snow. So, our roads are almost completely unplowed and filled with idiots who don't know how to drive in the snow.

I thought I overreacted sometimes,

2009-03-01T10:41:00.003-05:00

This is exactly why I am distrustful of cops. I have known a few of them, and they tend to divide the world into the "good guys" and the "bad guys." The problem with this is, it's ok to do bad things to bad guys. Like a fifteen year-old girl accused of stealing a car.

Check this out.

The issue here is simple. This girl could be guilty as hell. She certainly was trying to say "fuck you" to the cop when she kicked her shoe at him. But she is a fifteen year-old girl. Deputy Paul Schene should be stripped of his badge, charged with assault, and run out of town on a rail. I am going to be very upset if he doesn't serve time for this.

This is the coolest thing I have seen all day

2009-02-24T14:25:00.004-05:00

I just don't have the words to do this justice.

Yes that is President Barack Obama in a lightsaber duel with Darth Vader.

How to write fiction

2009-02-23T18:11:00.002-05:00

I have a fairly strong desire to make a living as a writer. Specifically, as a fiction writer. So, you may ask yourself, how does one become a successful writer of fiction? Well, obviously as a hopeful writer, I haven't quite figured that part out, but I do know one or two things about writing. The most important part of writing is writing when there is nothing you want to say. when you don't have an idea how to finish that story, let alone begin it, that is the moment when it is imperative that you pick up the pencil, keyboard, or whatever and write. The scariest thing for a writer is the blank page, so throw some words on it and maybe it gets a little less scary. This ties in to the second big tip I have learned the hard, hard, hard way. It is always easier to revise than to write. Now, let me clarify. The beginning bits of revision are infinitely easier than the beginning bits of writing. the stuff towards the end of the proccess gets a little more sticky. Nevertheless, you will always be happier revising a long story that needs to be shortened than you will be trying to get your three pages into five. So how does this tie in with my other posts on video games and the horrors of the real world? I have no idea.

Alienated youth? I thought we invented that.

2009-02-19T01:01:00.003-05:00

I just finished watching "Rebel Without a Cause." I had forgotten how great it was. The script is a little dated, but Dennis Hopper is in it, so I guess that sort of balances out. Overall, I think that it is a beautiful representation of the desperate measures people will go to, when they think they don't have anything to lose. Jeebus, there's something about trying to figure out what life is all about, when you don't have any positive role models. Mostly, it's just a really good movie and I recommend it to everybody.

Easy Villians

2009-02-10T08:57:00.004-05:00

I don't know if some people are evil or just very very confused. There is the recently un-excommunicated bishop who denies the mass murder of six million Jews during the Holocaust, believes that women can only approximate intelligent thought, and that the US planned the attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon. While there are weird little oddities about the attacks of September 11th, there is no compelling evidence that the US was responsible, women are easily capable of the same idiocy or brilliance as a man, and there is a mountain of evidence to demonstrate without a doubt that the Nazis were capable of incredible evil under the influence of one frightened little madman. I find it surprising that an educated Catholic priest is capable of believing these terrible and destructive things despite an abundance of evidence that contradicts him.

Another of my new favorite people is the Iraqi woman who engineered the rape of more than 80 women. Why would someone do something so vile in a society that demonizes a raped woman as a fornicator and adulteress? Well, Samira Jassam orchestrated the rape of more than 80 women so she could convince them that a martyr's death would cleanse them of their shame. I was going to write a tidy little summary, but I am too disgusted with my species right now.

Killzone 2, more like I-need-you-to-validate-my-decision-to-buy-a-PS3-Zone 2

2009-02-06T05:46:00.004-05:00

Look, I own an Xbox360 and a Playstation 3. I generally prefer to game on the 360, but that is just because most of my friends use the 360. I want to play games on my PS3. I picked up Little BIG Planet, so I could play it on my PS3. I just don't get the idiots who think that they need to defend every single f-ing game on the PS3, no matter how big of a stinking pile it is. I still don't understand the mentality that every criticism of your chosen system, or the games on it, constitutes a biased attack on that system, you personally, and your mother. There are things about both systems that bother me. The latest bullshit about Killzone 2 is hilarious though. There is a (currently) 290+ comment thread on CVG just full of idiots. Despite my general dislike for G4, I think you should check out this rant by Adam Sessler, the only shining star on that network.

I cannot wait for this game!

2009-02-02T18:19:00.005-05:00

Imagine yourself as the Rocketeer fighting flying-saucer robots in the future. I'll let you think about that for a minute, while I try to figure out this embedded video thing.

When that's done, you might want to check out a few more of these.

There is something wrong with us.

2009-02-01T16:55:00.003-05:00

How could Xbox Live let me down like this? For the record, the horse armor is a gigantic waste of money. It accomplishes nothing, and I am ashamed for my people.

[Updated to clarify for the non-video gamers]

No easy villians; no good guys

2009-02-01T08:04:00.001-05:00

Well, things are about to get interesting in the Middle East. I am no friend of Hamas. I think they are a bunch of religious whack-jobs who relish the idea of murdering the sub-human Jews. I am also wary of Israel. I think they are a bunch of religious (but slightly more secular) whack-jobs who relish the idea of murdering the sub-human Muslims. I am aware that neither side is as evil as my pat description, but neither side is the innocent victim both claim to be.
I know what you are thinking, you imaginary audience, you are saying to yourself: "Finally, someone who understands this entire Middle East thing. We should convince this wise man to put an end to this conflict. Man, I want waffles."
I hate to crush your fragile dreams, but I don't have any waffles.
[Update]
I just want to clarify that the butt of the joke here is my dumb ass. Also, I still don't have any waffles.

What to expect

2009-01-31T12:28:00.000-05:00

I suppose I should inform you, the sprawling (and at this point, completely hypothetical) masses, of what to expect from this site. I will try to update as frequently as possible, whether that is several times a week, several times a day, or eight times, I am unable to say right now. I will write about the things that interest me in this world. I might post on the subjects of video games, news, video game news, science, or any other damn thing I think of. I will not change anyone's view of the world. I am just hoping to entertain you a little.

First!

2009-01-31T12:14:00.001-05:00

Well, I finally bit the bullet. I am part of the elite corps of every gods-damn idiot with a strong opinion and no social skills that has decided to share his inane ramblings with an ungrateful and uncaring world. Hope you enjoy the site. By the way, the two thing you can count on, dear reader, are a pledge to never use emoticons or txt speak.